ROBOT BRICKIES - They're taking over!

Congratulations on making the wise decision to employ the iBricklayer to build your new extension! For smooth operation, please note the following:

1. You may be wondering why you had to acquire two iBricklayers when only one of them appears to do anything. That’s just how it works, sorry.

2. The device does not function at weekends, before 10.00am or after 4.00pm. Some mornings it will also have another job to do at No 17.

3. Your iBricklayer is content to do rudimentary electrical work, but be aware that it doesn’t really know how to, however much it pretends.

4. The device is fully fuelled by the manu- facturer. However, should you fail to pour a cup of tea (milky, two sugars) into the port marked “T” you may find that it operates at half speed, and resentfully.

5. Listen out for a high-pitched noise, similar to that made by a human male whistling through his two front teeth. When the iBricklayer makes this noise, it has detected something that is going to cost you, mate.

6. The iBricklayer is normally safe around children. Be aware, however, that construction patterns may grow erratic in the presence of scantily clad teenage daughters.

7. Your iBricklayer can lay 3,000 bricks a day, and deliver 273 wolf-whistles an hour. Don’t be all uptight, love, some women appreciate it.

8. Only experienced users should connect their iBricklayer to their home wi-fi network. Due to flaws in the firmware, there is a danger it will log on to Facebook and read fake news. Then it may try to build an unwisely massive wall at the southern end of your property, and force your neighbours to pay for it.

9. Actually I’m knocking off now. Put a tarp over the end of this list and I’ll maybe be back to finish it in a fortnight