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https://www.askthetrades.co.uk/cgi-bin/yabb/YaBB.pl Public Forum >> Humour >> A few one-liners ... https://www.askthetrades.co.uk/cgi-bin/yabb/YaBB.pl?num=1479834224 Message started by rgirling on Nov 22^nd, 2016, 5:03pm

Title: A few one-liners ...
Post by rgirling on Nov 22^nd, 2016, 5:03pm

I saw a couple on Exmouth sea front having a stand up row this morning - or paddle boarding as it's usually known.

Sad that Christopher Robin has had to close his massage business because he kept kneading a Pooh.

My neighbour’s daughter said she wanted a fairy-tale life, so I've trapped her in her gran's bedroom with a wolf.

Wedding anniversaries:
1 - Paper
3 - Leather
5 - Wood
10 - Tin
20 - China
25 - Silver
30 - Pearl
40 - Ruby
50 - Gold
60 - Printer Ink

"FYI" sounds like a polite Geordie trying to avoid saying an actual swear word.

Just seen Bonnie Tyler's new cardiology video. It's totally clips of the heart.

Woke up this morning with a mammoth erection - and a lot of explaining to do at the Natural History Museum.

English teachers - you mark my words.

I once donated some sperm. The man shaking the charity bucket was not impressed though.

Blue pills gives me a hard-on, whereas blue cheese gives me a stilt-on.

I think farting in a Primark dressing room would actually make it smell better.

"You Tolkien to me?!" - Hobbit de Niro.

When I get home from work, I change my clothes, make some tea, read the papers, listen to Hungarian Classical music... The Liszt goes on.

Ray

Title: Re: A few one-liners ...
Post by ShaneBo on Oct 20^th, 2017, 9:25am

Funny stuff Ray. I've actually never heard of the Hobbit de Niro one. Made me chuckle.

Title: Re: A few one-liners ...
Post by CWatters on Mar 22^nd, 2018, 12:30pm

I haven't spoken to my mother-in-law for 6 years... I didn't want to interrupt her.

Ken Dodd RIP