Speeding...


While I was driving down the M8 the other day,
(going a little faster than I
should have been) I passed under a bridge only to
see a copper on the other
side with a radar gun laying in wait.

The copper pulled me over, walked up to the car, and
with that classic
patronising smirk, asked "Runway too short?"
To which I replied, "I'm late for work."
To which he asked, "What do you do?"
"I'm a rec tum stretcher," I responded.

The copper was surprised and confused. "A what? A
rec tum stretcher?? "And
just what does a rec tum stretcher do?"

"Well," I said, "I start by inserting one finger,
then I work my way up to
two fingers, then three, then four, then with my
whole hand in, I work side
to side until I can get both hands in, and then I
slowly but surely stretch
the hole, until it's about 6 feet."

Then the copper asked questioningly and cautiously,
"And just what do you do
with a six-foot arsehole?"

To which I politely replied,
"You give him a radar gun and park him behind a
bridge..."

Speeding ticket: £105.00
Court costs: £45.00
Look on copper's face ... Priceless....

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