A little old lady went to the grocery store to buy cat food. She picked up 4 cans and took them to the check out counter.  

The girl at the cash register said, "I'm sorry, but we cannot sell you cat food without proof that you have a cat. A lot of old people buy cat food to eat, and the management wants proof that you are buying the cat food for your cat."  

The little old lady went home, picked up her cat and brought it back to the store. They sold her the cat food.

The next day, she tried to buy 2 cans of dog food. Again the cashier said "I'm sorry, but we cannot sell you dog food without proof that you have a dog. A lot of old people buy dog food to eat, but the management wants proof that you are buying the dog food for your dog."  

So she went home and brought in her dog. She then was able to buy the dog food.

The next day she brought in a box with a hole in the lid. The little old lady asked the cashier to stick her finger in the hole. The cashier said, "No, you might have a snake in there."  

The little old lady assured her that there was nothing in the box that would harm her. So the cashier put her finger into the box and pulled it out. She said to the little old lady, "That smells like shti."  

The little old lady said, "It is. I want to buy four rolls of toilet paper."



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And on the principle of buy one, get one free....

A maid asked for a pay increase

The wife was very upset about this and decided to talk to her about the raise.

She asked:
'Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?'
Maria: 'Well, Mam, there are THREE REASONS why I want an increase.

The first is that I iron better than you.'
Wife: 'Who said you iron better than me?'
Maria: 'Your husband say so.'
Wife: 'Oh.'

Maria: 'The second reason is that I am a better cook than you.
Wife: 'Nonsense, who said you are a better cook than me?'
Maria: 'Your husband did.'
Wife: 'Oh.

Maria: 'The third reason is that I am better at sex than you in bed.
Wife: (really furious now) 'Ah! Did my husband say that as well?'
Maria: 'No Mam... Your driver says'.
Wife: 'Ok Ok, So how much do you want?