Ask The Trades - Re:Coffins

mr_spanton GDPR opt-out	Re:Coffins May 24^th, 2006, 9:55pm [quote author=WOLF link=1148414472/0#6 date=1148428959]not as such, you have to kerf the back and make your own!!! typical! [/quote] same way as they used to make genuine traditional coffins eh wolf before chipboard venere came along
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TIMBA-WOLF Board Moderator Offline Timba-Wolf..... Var@*sh, should be banned!! Posts: 7158 Total Thanks: 15 For This Post: 0 KENT,(under a tree!!!!) United Kingdom Gender: Trade: Joiner	Re:Coffins Reply #1 - May 24^th, 2006, 10:06pm i've made mine!!!!!
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mr_spanton

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Re:Coffins
Reply #2 - May 25^th, 2006, 3:50pm

not varnished then I take it ??? ??? ??? Wink

Tell us a bit more about it if you will please wolf
how did de ye fix the curved sides to the floor so you wont end up on the deck "after the event" Grin

if it gave way and the floor fell out?? Is the floorboard slotted into rebates in the sides?? Not sure. But now you mention it I'd quite like to do mine as well. Unless some t**t jobsworth says (to my next of kin) sorry, doesnt come up to H&S sandards, cant use THAT. Whilst I am still "here" might also be a sort of memento mori. Maybe personalised with carving or something ??? Wink

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« Last Edit: May 25^th, 2006, 3:51pm by mr_spanton »

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TIMBA-WOLF

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Re:Coffins
Reply #3 - May 25^th, 2006, 5:36pm

well a relative of mine got buried in a cardboard box last year, one of these biodegradable special jobbies, looked like a whicker finish to it, with flowers all stencilled over it, apparently did look rather good!!! (not my taste!!)
mine, dovetailed angles corners, rebated floor, and slip fingered mid joint, then planed off, scrapped, light sand, the oiled......plenty of it!!
if i get time i want to do some carving on it!! etc, but at the mo it is flat packed away in the loft , to save space else where!
my will states it has to be put to gether with instructions attatched(either of me kids knows how!!) , and to be buried in it!!!, stuff any hse rule, let those behind sort it out, i'd have spent to much of my life arguing with toss pots like that!!! to worry about it!!! as once you are in the box, unless there is a CRIMINAL reason, they can not take you out of it!!!!! Shocked

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AS HONEST AND LOYAL AS THE TIMBER-WOLF. --VAR@*SH, DON'T YOU SWEAR AT ME!! PAL!!&&I DON'T SUFFER FROM INSANITY- I DAMNED WELL ENJOY IT!!!!!

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mr_spanton

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Re:Coffins
Reply #4 - May 25^th, 2006, 8:09pm

what timber did you use??
I always thought oke was traditional, but then I've seen some nice ones made of white pine.
exorbitant prices they charge now for a few bits of venereed chipboard I heard that they now have to reduce plastic glues/resins/finishes/plastic trim etc so it dont pollute the air so much when they cremate them.
Twas funny the day my grandad got cremated, the 2 attendants were stood out the back door......having a shifty fag Roll Eyes

. Well I saw the funny side, I reckon Grandad would of as well!! Grin

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woodsmith Global Moderator Trade Member Author Offline Posts: 4407 Total Thanks: 137 For This Post: 0 Gender: Trade: Joiner	Re: Re:Coffins Reply #5 - May 25^th, 2006, 8:43pm I've split this off as a separate topic as we have gone from decking to coffins
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mr_spanton GDPR opt-out Total Thanks: 137 For This Post: 0	Re: Re:Coffins Reply #6 - May 25^th, 2006, 8:55pm I know Its just how my none one track mind works, sorry
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splinter GDPR opt-out Total Thanks: 137 For This Post: 0	Re: Re:Coffins Reply #7 - May 25^th, 2006, 9:14pm I.ve been in the shed all day sorting the timber for my wives so if anyone has got any plans drawings for one ,I would be grateful. Thanks in advance
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Re: Re:Coffins
Reply #8 - May 25^th, 2006, 9:42pm

for wives, see pallet/packing crate!!!!!! Roll Eyes

Thanks W/S for that!!!nice one!!

back to our topic,
mine, mostly oak, that i have aquired over the years, and after one particular clear out! well the timber got "used!!"

in terms of the glues/resins etc, on the modern computer controlled, (yes even these get compy 's!!) they are monitered to burn at 610° C, so as to burn "clean".. so hot, that impurities are basically vapourised!!!
how do i know, worked on Falconwood , and Elmers End crems and being ME!! i ask lots of questions!!!
the most notable funeral/crem i went to was my aunts,last year! the pall bearers, were spot on perfect, in step like a military job, not a tear nothing... then they ( the bearers) filled in to the front row of the church, it turned out they were Her kids, and their partners whom i had not seen for over 12-15 years!!!
Total admoration for them!!!

Quote:

Its just how my one one track mind works

i got one of those, think of something, and whoosh!! off it goes!! Grin

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AS HONEST AND LOYAL AS THE TIMBER-WOLF. --VAR@*SH, DON'T YOU SWEAR AT ME!! PAL!!&&I DON'T SUFFER FROM INSANITY- I DAMNED WELL ENJOY IT!!!!!

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Scrit GDPR opt-out Total Thanks: 15 For This Post: 0	Re: Re:Coffins Reply #9 - May 25^th, 2006, 10:21pm [quote author=mr_spanton link=1148586057/0#4 date=1148584176]what timber did you use?? I always thought oak was traditional..... [/quote] Nah, elm - but there's a lot less of it these days.... Scrit
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MarkS GDPR opt-out Total Thanks: 15 For This Post: 0	Re: Re:Coffins Reply #10 - May 26^th, 2006, 4:30pm I thought elm as well. I was told the other day that there is still a band of the country around the south downs where Elm grows without problem. Something about the beetles not getting across the down ? true ? Given some peoples diet, impurities in the coffin are the least of the problems for the incinerator.
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TIMBA-WOLF Board Moderator Offline Timba-Wolf..... Var@*sh, should be banned!! Posts: 7158 Total Thanks: 15 For This Post: 0 KENT,(under a tree!!!!) United Kingdom Gender: Trade: Joiner	Re: Re:Coffins Reply #11 - May 26^th, 2006, 5:41pm pacemakers and any other things like these are LEATHAL, in a crem burner!!! seriously damages everything!!!!
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woodsmith Global Moderator Trade Member Author Offline Posts: 4407 Total Thanks: 137 For This Post: 0 Gender: Trade: Joiner	Re: Re:Coffins Reply #12 - May 26^th, 2006, 5:45pm [quote author=WOLF link=1148586057/0#11 date=1148661687]pacemakers and any other things like these are LEATHAL, in a crem burner!!! seriously damages everything!!!! [/quote] Wolf I think the idea is that you are already dead before you get cremated
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TIMBA-WOLF Board Moderator Offline Timba-Wolf..... Var@*sh, should be banned!! Posts: 7158 Total Thanks: 15 For This Post: 0 KENT,(under a tree!!!!) United Kingdom Gender: Trade: Joiner	Re: Re:Coffins Reply #13 - May 26^th, 2006, 6:02pm yes, but by law these objects shold be removed due to the harmful ness of their ilk!! but occasionally one gets left in, and the state of the burner, after the BANG, well it is a serious mess!!! has been know to kill the crem worker on one occasion!!! see risky business!!!!
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MarkS GDPR opt-out Total Thanks: 15 For This Post: 0	Re: Re:Coffins Reply #14 - May 26^th, 2006, 9:23pm Ah yes, one of my fav opening lines from a novel - I dont have it to hand so sorry about the misquote, but the book is the crow road by Iain Banks It was the day my Grandmother exploded.
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The_Trician

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Re: Re:Coffins
Reply #15 - May 26^th, 2006, 9:48pm

has been know to kill the crem worker on one occasion!!!

Maybe - but you'd get 2 for the price of one then!

Even if it does ferk all the firebricks!

I worked in heavy industry before going on my own - and part of the plant comprised of a big heat-treatment dept.

Row and rows of gas furnaces. Fire-lighters would come on on Sunday night to light up for the week and some of us had to be on call-out if they couldn't get all the burners to light.

We got so fed up of being called out that we ended up shorting out the fail-safe circuits and telling the lads to wedge the gas solenoids open with a taper of timber whilst lighting up.

We never got called out again - but the fire brigade did!
One night, some berk tried to light one of the furnaces with a taper of newspaper - trouble was, he hadn't 'purged' the furnace of excess gas from the first time he tried to light it.
Anyhow, up goes the furnace door and in goes the lighhted newspaper and WHOOOFF! - Furnace roo is trying to exit the factory roof and it's raining refractory bricks everywhere!

How we laughed when we heard about it the next day!

I once saw 7 firemen bowled over on their arses when the oil-quench m/c went up - but that's another story!

TT

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Thats the trouble with a colostomy - you can never find the shoes to match the bag.......

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mailee GDPR opt-out Total Thanks: 8 For This Post: 0	Re: Re:Coffins Reply #16 - May 28^th, 2006, 7:32am I am being buried at sea as my first wife said she would dance on my grave Problem is she scuba dives!
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billythekid Trade Member Offline I love YaBB 1G - SP1! Posts: 3402 Total Thanks: 0 For This Post: 0 Trade: Plumber	Re: Re:Coffins Reply #17 - May 29^th, 2006, 8:55pm wolf with your own coffin is there a handle on the inside, i think that would be top of the list when designing it... btk
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TIMBA-WOLF Board Moderator Offline Timba-Wolf..... Var@*sh, should be banned!! Posts: 7158 Total Thanks: 15 For This Post: 0 KENT,(under a tree!!!!) United Kingdom Gender: Trade: Joiner	Re: Re:Coffins Reply #18 - May 29^th, 2006, 9:29pm Na!! the only time i am going inside it is when i am definately DEAD!!!!!
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billythekid Trade Member Offline I love YaBB 1G - SP1! Posts: 3402 Total Thanks: 0 For This Post: 0 Trade: Plumber	Re: Re:Coffins Reply #19 - May 29^th, 2006, 10:51pm screw that, always have a plan B.... i'd install wireless broadband in it too, just in case, dont want to miss the forum now... btk
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TIMBA-WOLF Board Moderator Offline Timba-Wolf..... Var@*sh, should be banned!! Posts: 7158 Total Thanks: 15 For This Post: 0 KENT,(under a tree!!!!) United Kingdom Gender: Trade: Joiner	Re: Re:Coffins Reply #20 - May 29^th, 2006, 10:54pm [quote author=billythekid link=1148586057/15#19 date=1148939478]always have a plan B.... btk [/quote] i have, in native American Red Indian law the Wolf can/will come back as the eagle!!!
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JerryD GDPR opt-out Total Thanks: 15 For This Post: 0	Re: Re:Coffins Reply #21 - May 29^th, 2006, 10:57pm I haven't even got a plan A
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billythekid Trade Member Offline I love YaBB 1G - SP1! Posts: 3402 Total Thanks: 0 For This Post: 0 Trade: Plumber	Re: Re:Coffins Reply #22 - May 29^th, 2006, 11:05pm [quote author=WOLF link=1148586057/15#20 date=1148939669] i have, in native American Red Indian law the Wolf can/will come back as the eagle!!! [/quote] i didnt know you were native american red indian. i had a great wolf/indian/eagle tobacco tin a while ago. next time i'm at a C/W thing I'll get you one of the WOLF jackets a la --
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Re: Re:Coffins
Reply #23 - May 29^th, 2006, 11:17pm

Strangely enough i got one of those off the grandkids last year!! BTK! nice thought though!

i just like their way of thinking and the original ways of the Red Indians especially their co-existanc with nature... The WOLF, the EAGLE and the TREE.....and i do not mean the likes of the ol' westerns tribes.. Souix, Nav's etc... i mean the real BASE tribes... Menominee (wisconsin) or the Pasca Yaqui tribe (Arizona)

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AS HONEST AND LOYAL AS THE TIMBER-WOLF. --VAR@*SH, DON'T YOU SWEAR AT ME!! PAL!!&&I DON'T SUFFER FROM INSANITY- I DAMNED WELL ENJOY IT!!!!!

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billythekid Trade Member Offline I love YaBB 1G - SP1! Posts: 3402 Total Thanks: 0 For This Post: 0 Trade: Plumber	Re: Re:Coffins Reply #24 - May 29^th, 2006, 11:20pm my mrs is part cherokee, i think the part where the scalping happens.... btk
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TIMBA-WOLF Board Moderator Offline Timba-Wolf..... Var@*sh, should be banned!! Posts: 7158 Total Thanks: 15 For This Post: 0 KENT,(under a tree!!!!) United Kingdom Gender: Trade: Joiner	Re: Re:Coffins Reply #25 - May 29^th, 2006, 11:33pm Part Chrysler Jeep eh?? that's novel!!!! no wonder you look TYRED!!!!
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JerryD GDPR opt-out Total Thanks: 15 For This Post: 0	Re: Re:Coffins Reply #26 - May 30^th, 2006, 12:12am and scalpings go on the drive, don't you know anything about road construction! (the above joke is ever-so-slightly Wolf like.. my apologies )
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TIMBA-WOLF Board Moderator Offline Timba-Wolf..... Var@*sh, should be banned!! Posts: 7158 Total Thanks: 15 For This Post: 0 KENT,(under a tree!!!!) United Kingdom Gender: Trade: Joiner	Re: Re:Coffins Reply #27 - May 30^th, 2006, 12:23am OI!!!! i resemble that remark do you mind!!!!
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TIMBA-WOLF Board Moderator Offline Timba-Wolf..... Var@*sh, should be banned!! Posts: 7158 Total Thanks: 15 For This Post: 0 KENT,(under a tree!!!!) United Kingdom Gender: Trade: Joiner	Re: Re:Coffins Reply #28 - May 30^th, 2006, 12:24am Quote: and scalpings go on the drive, don't you know anything about road construction! but only on cheap roads mind!!!!
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Dewy GDPR opt-out Total Thanks: 15 For This Post: 0	Re: Re:Coffins Reply #29 - Jun 3^rd, 2006, 5:25am I heard that cleaning the crem out after a lady with a boob job has passed through was messy work. The silicon bags expand then explode leaving a sticky mess to scrape out.
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Re: Re:Coffins
Reply #30 - Jun 3^rd, 2006, 10:12pm

Hi DEWY, and i hope you are keeping well!!!

as for the silly cones, going bang, if the damage causes them to actually shut it down before the end of the actual burn, then the mess can be real grief by all accounts, but if it does NO damage, then the intense heat during the burn will actually get rid of all traces, so it would seem, it depends on how much immediate damage it causes!!!!

keep well dear chap!
regards Matt

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Scrit GDPR opt-out Total Thanks: 15 For This Post: 0	Re: Re:Coffins Reply #31 - Jun 4^th, 2006, 2:24pm So, is what you're saying is that it's better not to be around on the day they cremate Dolly Parton, then?
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TIMBA-WOLF Board Moderator Offline Timba-Wolf..... Var@*sh, should be banned!! Posts: 7158 Total Thanks: 15 For This Post: 0 KENT,(under a tree!!!!) United Kingdom Gender: Trade: Joiner	Re: Re:Coffins Reply #32 - Jun 4^th, 2006, 2:28pm what do you think, its bad enough when her bra strap fails!!! :duck: :duck:
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