Wanted: Someone from the male species who knows what to do to get an inflated pigs bladder to hit something the size of a barn door from stationary at 12 yards distance. Must be English nationality. The ability to whinge when things aren't going his way would be a distinct advantage, as would holding an equity card for drama performances. Need not have any ability at all to work with the other 10 team members, and in fact having that attribute could seriously disrupt the (lack of) harmony that currently exists. Prima-donnas will be given preferential treatment.

This position requires someone special. Must be able to move around the production area so as to give free access to the opposition when the pigs bladder arrives from nowhere - being at least 20 yards away from the pigs bladder at all times is considered a very desirable quality in our team, current holders of similar positions are rewarded handsomely for their work in this area.

The position holder need not have a clue what to do with the pigs bladder if they should be unfortunate enough to find themselves in possession of it, though extra pay will be awarded if the candidate is able to demonstrate sharing possession with an opposition team member.

Please note that a pre-requisite for this position is that the candidate must be able to gob frequently, a test will be made for shortlisted candidates and in the event there is a tie between two candidates then the one with the best gob performance will get the job.

Salary - negotiable (starting at £50K - per week. Can be augmented with dodgy advertising deals).

Please apply Sven Errikson, c/o the FA.

Err - I don't get it


David B.

you obviously dont look at my jokes then s s